Earlier this evening I finally had the opportunity to watch Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse, which I enjoyed a lot.

I have been reflecting on how my experience of films like these (films with teenage protagonists) has changed with age.

Even in my mid-to-late 20s, I would often identify clearly with the teenage protagonists, but over the last few years I have increasingly started identifying with the parents of the protagonists. Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse was no exception to this recent trend.

I doubt that younger versions of myself could ever have imagined the extent to which my mental and emotional state would deteriorate as a result of childlessness.

My friends often remark at how busy I keep myself. How I find time to invest in new hobbies. How I find time to create and maintain open source projects. How I find time to dance. How I find time to record videos to post to TikTok and YouTube.

Do I enjoy all of these things that I spend my time doing? I do, very much.

Am I constantly trying to fill the black hole of childlessness that threatens to devour me every morning, day and night? I am, very much.

I would gladly trade it all for parenthood.